present.

A thought...if I was more present today I would see more of the problems and be able to handle the others better. I also wonder if one of the reasons I like not beign present is because I look for a world that is so much better. When I am not present you do not have to exzperience all of trhe pains that you are normally subject to. It just does not matter to you as much because you are waiting for something that is wonderful and you hold on to that. I wonder if there is any truth to this. It is just a nicer place where dreams are and ideals. It is a hard thing to part with. But if I could dream and build up things about other places, would it change anything? I used to do that with the mission filed and then I went and realized it is not as wodnerful as I thought. I wonder if this is the same case. If I am perhaps trying to insulate myself from the world and people. That is not a good thing for one wanting to be a missionary. I think it is a self defense mechanicism. Lord show me what to do. Tear down every idol and teach me how to constructively deal with this.