becoming more like home

Things are going alot better.I think that I finally got some good closure with him. I don't know why but I was glad to be doen with it and to move on in a way. Sometimes I still get scraed about the future..not having anyone, not beign able to love someone as much as I did him. But I am trying to remember that if God is not in control of this, he isn't in control of anything. I don't know how much in control or any of the little details but Iknow he sees and cares. I know that I have to trust him with it. If I can't trust him now, i later carry that over into the relationship and that is never a good thing.
I am enjoying and seeing LA alot more than before. I think I am getting more connected and feeling more a part of the city. I think in some ways that I have forgotten how it feels to be at home in a place and it was a plesant suprise. I really want to live...I want to be here and see it all. I am also working on having more time to reflect as I should. I don't always do as well as I should but I am working on it. It is better and easier. I WANT to be here and it does not seem as strange. It is familar and I like it.
then the thought of leaving soon. I won't think of that yet.
more soon